Thursday 17 June 2010

Adios, so long, farwell....weigh day

I did it, I managed a whole week if not weighing, I was so proud of myself that I managed it and the fact that they were not locked away and accessible and I still managed to fight the urge.

This morning came and I wad so excited and positive on what the scales would say to me today as I had a great week exercise and foodwise. Even though I haven't counted cals this week I haven't ate any naughty or different than if I was. In fact I think I've been eating less as I haven't been eating my evening snack as I haven't felt the need to use up cals. Well I stood on them, looking up to the ceiling until they settled. I looked down and bang a kick straight in the stomach! It showed a 1.2lb gain! How the F did that happen?! Surely that is not deserved, in fact I know it's not deserved! All that positivity zapped out of me in an instant!

Then I stood off the scales as my son coming running saying my turn my turn. He stood on them the number appeared and he said mummy look oh no! Bang another kick straight in the stomach. FFS my son is only two and he's obviously learnt that from me. I could cry just thinking about it, correction I am. What have I done? How much of a bad mother do I feel right now! My son shouldn't even know what they are and certainly not have a reaction when the number shows up. I have only myself to blame, he's learnt it from me no one else.

This has been a big wake up call, if I hadn't stepped on those scales this morning I would have been feeling good about myself in the way I look and feel. Instead I feel like an utter failure and to top it off I now feel like a failure as a mother. So I've come to the hard decision the scales HAVE to go, not just for me but for my son who I love very much and have let down. So adios, farwell so long scales I'm not going to let you control my life and the way I feel about myself any more and I'm certainly not going to let you get to my son like you have to me! You're out of here suckers!

Wednesday 16 June 2010

Serious DOMS and update

Oh boy I'm suffering from some serious DOMS today! I'm secretly liking it but gosh it hurts! I'm walking around like John Wayne and going ouch ouch everytime I sit down or stand up. They aren't normally this bad but this is what having a week off does! Plenty of protein and fluids for me today and thankfully it's my scheduled rest day.

Also update on the winging it approach. It's now been almost two weeks of not counting calories and 5 days of not weighing myself...check me out! The not counting cals is going better than I expected and I'm remarkably calm. I'm not constantly thinking about food and values I'm just enjoying eating healthy clean food. The scales have been kept in the upright position so I can't be tempted just to hop on them. But as the days go on I'm finding it increasingly hard to stay away as I would like to know if what I'm doing is right/working. I had a battle stood in the bathroom last night where I was SO tempted but in my head I could hear the WI ladies saying step away from the scales lol!

Saturday 12 June 2010

9 Miler today and being asked to be a birthing partner!

I did a 9 miler this morning. I was planning to go out about 6am but my darling son woke me up at 5am and I managed to get him back to sleep about 5.45am and fell back to sleep myself, I woke up at 6.30am and attempt to sneek out of bed (he was in with us from 5am) I managed it and got half way up the hall and he woke up so I had to go back in and give him cuddles. He was wide awake and I normally don't like to leave him and hubby that early in the morning when Lewis is awake as hubby is NOT a morning person and by the time I get back there is normally war! But I thought they will just have to cope so got out about 6.50 in the end.

I ran out of dried fruit and nut bars so the only thing I could eat pretty quickly before my run was an avocado and black bean brownie. At first I regretted it but I'm glad I had something as I was starving when I got back.

9 miles felt much further than the 8.5miles I did last weeks I think its because my route takes me across another two villages so I feel a long way from home. I worked out that I run in and out of 6 villages in total which is no wonder why it feels like such a long way. Really chuffed with my time though 1hr 21mins and 54sec averaging out at 9min 6sec mile which is an awesome pace to substain for that kind of distance. I worked out that if I continue like this I could be coming at 2hours for the half which is just a dream!

Other great news is my little sis asked me to be her birthing partner. She is currently 26 weeks and her w*nker of a boyfriend left her when she got pregnant so she has asked me. I'm really honoured and hope that I will be a support to her when the time comes.

Today has been hectic and I don't feel like my feet has touched the ground. I did my run, went to asda for the weekly shop and with a two year old that's no fun! Cut both the front and the back garden grass, washed the car, done endless amounts of washing and tidied the house and collasped on the sofa just in time to watch the footie with a slice of cheesecake. Yes you read that right I had just a slice when I normally eat a whole half. This new winging it approach has really made me think about that I don't need to binge on the weekend any more as I don't feel like I'm depriving myself during the week as I'm not counting calories. Also another result I haven't stepped on the scales since yesterday morning. I know its not a biggie for everyone but for me I have effectively missed 3 weigh in sessions as I got to twice a day.

So all in all another successful day and another postivie post from me. Where is Hannah and what have you done with her?!

Friday 11 June 2010

New Winging it Approach!

Blimey blogland has it really been 5 weeks since I last blogged?! Where has that time gone?!

Well after a mini breakdown two weeks ago (WI ladies may recall) I'm finally starting to find my feet again. I was becoming far too obssessed with calories and my addiction to the scales was coming back to haunt me and I was back up to twice a day :-( not good! This got me thinking I NEED to change I can't keep going on like this.

Both the lovely Nic and Kat from WI had given up following a diet plan/calorie counting and were eating sensibly with nurtionally sound food so I thought I might give this a whirl. It would either be a disaster or actually work! So on Monday after a hurrendous weekend I decided to give it a shot I had nothing to lose other than weight! I have actually found it quite easy to do, I'm still pretty much eating the same foods but I'm not obsessing about numbers. I'm still weighing my carbs as I didn't want these to creep back up to bigger portions but everything else I have just been sticking to sensible portions and enjoying healthy food. I have actually found I'm eating less especially on the evenings as I don't have calories to use up so I've only been eating if I'm hungry. Well the proof was in the pudding when I weighed today and lost 0.8lbs. Ok its not masses but after the weekend I had it was pretty good.

As I've not been constantly thinking about food/calories the scales have also been cut down this week, ok I'm still not back to only once a week but every other day is pretty good so far and I'm sure that will be cut down even more next week.

Also tonight I was extremely proud of myself, on the drive home hubby said to me that he really fancied a dounut and wanted to stop in the shop. He passed me the money and asked me to get him 2 chocolate dounuts and whatever I wanted. So I went in picked up three dounuts. Two for hubby and one for Lewis and NONE for me! I really didn't want one. I knew at home I had some black beans soaking to make some black bean and avocado brownies so why would I want a dounut that's full of sugar and crap when I can have a brownie that's full of goodness. Yes I will be polishing my halo before bed LOL!

I just thought I'd pop on to say Hi and I'm off to bed as I'm up early (5.30am) to go for my 9 mile run tomorrow! I'll let you know how it goes. Night night x