Calorie Counting?! (oh and a little bit of news!)

Hi Blogland

After yesterday's post, it was my official weigh day today and yep I had put on 4lbs. I'm disappointed in myself but there is no point dwelling on it, what's done is done and its how I recitify it is all that matters.

I had a great start and got beasted by Jillian Level 2 Shred session. Boy it was hard work! I then followed it by a 30min HIIT session on my bike. I obviously had lots of adreneline pumping from that gain and wanted to make a great start to the week.

Breakfast and lunch was spot on but then I had a big big row with my mother whose behaviour I just don't simply comprehend and am baffled by her words and attitude. I didn't shout or swear I was very calm and firm with my words and could see this got to my mother more as she knew what I was saying I really meant. I have been walked over her far too many times and I'm a grown woman now and will not tolerate her behaviour. As a result she left and I then hit the cupboards, lashings of hot buttered fruit bread was on the menu followed by several fudge babies, why did I do it?! I basically let her won by controlling me like that but again its happened I can't go back now. Roll on Sunday when she goes!

Anyway, back to the post in hand, firstly the news which will then lead on to my thoughts and questions?! Hubby and I have decided that we are going to start trying for number 2 baby now. I'm so excited as I really didn't think that after my traumatic birth with Lewis hubby will ever want another child. Well he dropped the bombshell on Sunday when I finished my pill packet and said I want you to come off of it and us to start trying :D Obviously it could take a while as the last time I was on the pill my periods didn't return for 14 weeks but its good to know that we can start trying. One very happy Hannahbella!

This leads me on to my thinking on calorie counting. I have been calorie counting now for a year or so and have pretty much maintained my weight within 4lbs, apart from this week's massive 4lb gain where I haven't been counting at all for the last two weeks and I'm wondering if this is a good time to stop the calorie counting as I've not been obsessing over it lately and just healthy eating as I know I shouldn't really calorie count whilst pregnant. Hubby thinks I should stop and I know I can count calories forever but I'm just scare as its my reins that pulls me back in. Any thoughts ladies? I'm in two minds.

Oh and I just have to share this random dinner that hubby had today. It was chicken, cous cous, salad and eggs, what a weird combo! His response was I don't eat for taste I eat for nutritional content and value, I wish sometimes I had that attitude!

Can't wait for life to return to some kind of normality!

As some of my lovely WI ladies know things have been pretty hectic for me over the last few weeks with a few family issues and my mother visiting from Canada. Well from Sunday my mum flies back and we should be getting into some kind of normality and I can't wait!

I have been comfort eating like you would not believe, baking maple syrup cookies, eating real stodge food like toad in the hole and sticky toffee pudding! I don't know what has been a matter with me, I have totally reverted back to my younger days when I wasn't happy at home and eating for comfort to make me feel better. I feel completely out of control with it at times and really don't like the way it makes me feel :0( I feel fat, bloated and horrible. I've had the worse stomach cramps for days now, which could be a really bad AF that I have or it could be all this white flour and sugar I've been consuming of the last week or so. I also have constant headache where I just simply haven't been drinking enough water. I had a sneaky peak on the scales and I reckon I'm a +4lb for this week which I'm devastated about but it has been my own doings. I really need to get refocused and eat cleanly next week and get at least half of this off.

I'm angry with myself. Why have I done this, why have I let myself go?! I should know better, I'm worth better but I still don't think whilst I'm shovelling it into my gob!

Oh well, onwards and downwards ;0)

I did it! I completed a half marathon!

After all these months of training on Sunday 5 September I completed my first and last ever half marathon! At 8.30am I met the lovely Kat, Alex, Mark and Gayle, before we had to go to our holding bay before the start of the race. It had started to rain when we got there so was wet and cold before we even started. We were in the last wave so there were thousands of people in front of us. Alex and Mark made there way to the start and me and Kat queued for the toilet (where they only had 15 for 16,000 partipants, nice one Bristol City Council!) we then made our way to the start. When the wave started to move we were quickly making our way to the start line. Everyone in front of us started to pick up to a run so we were running before we had even started, at this point I looked at my HRM and it was already 155 bpm. As soon as I reached the start line I hit the start button on my HRM and it failed, grrr! I don't know if the start transmitter affected my HRM but it failed to get a signal for the rest of the time. After 5 mins of faffing with it whilst running I decided to give in and leave it alone. I left Kat almost straight away as we both are lone runners and have different paces so off I head on this 13.1 mile journey on my own.

At mile one we approached a pretty big hill that bended round on its self before we headed down to the portway which was a boring 3 miles out and back. At 3 mile point I already felt like I had been running for an hour. All I could see was on the opposite side of the road was people heading back into town but when I was running back into town there was no one the otherside of the road so I was obviously towards the back of the crowds. At the half mile point there was a clock which stated that we were 1hr 15 mins in from when our wave started and I knew I was at the back so I must be around the 1hr 5 mark at this point.

At mile 9 I started to feel the pain in my hips and ankles but kept my head down and kept on going. I was on the approach back into town at mile 1o and the crowds started to thicken and the cheers and claps were much louder. It was motivating having people cheer you on. I came down Prince Street and I could see my hubby and son with my dad at the end of the road, waving and cheering and shouting go mummy. That was a real pick me up and I was so pleased to see them. This gave me the energy to continue on as I knew I only had half an hour until I would be finished if all went to plan. We started to weave the streets of Bristol City and it felt like we weren't really making an progress distance wise at all. At 11 mile the organisers put in a killer of a hill, I really was flagging at this point but there was a man shouting from the crowds don't let this hill beat you, you can do it. So I kept my head down and plodded on. We then made our way back to the centre and I saw my family again at the 12.5 mile point who were all cheering and waving. I knew I didn't have long to go so started to attempt to pick up speed. As I came off the centre and around the corner I could see the finish line. I started to well up as I couldn't believe I had actually done it! I crossed that finish line and it was such a sense of achievement. I did it I ran the whole 13.1 miles and didn't have any walk breaks. My official time was 2 hours 8 mins and 58secs so I beat my goal of 2hrs 10min.

The crowds were so big that it took me a lifetime to find everyone and when I did we sat down and enjoyed some much deserved cake whilst discussing the race and then headed to lunch. It was fab to meet everyone and it was lovely that Gayle and Nic came to support us even though they were not running.

On Monday I have never suffered such bad DOMS before, my legs were on fire. I also put on a staggering 5lbs in one day so there was some serious water retention going on. Now I'm on Wednesday I still have hip pain which does ease the more active I am so I'm hoping it will be gone by the weekend so I can head out for another run. I don't want to leave it too long as I know I will lose all motivation and I don't want to ruin all this hard work I've put in. I think I will now stick to 10km as my long distances from now on I don't think my body can handle it.

So there you have, I've completed the half marathon, got the T-shirt and won't be doing it again!

I am my own person so why can't I eat that way....ahhhh!

Firstly weekend round up. It was manic but good. Friday night I had a meal with my friends and chose from the menu before i got there so didn't even need to look at the menu so therefore I wasn't tempted by anything else. Also everyone wanted a dessert but I was full and declined straight away (can you see my halo sparkling?!). Well if only I could have been good the rest of the weekend!

Saturday I had a photoshoot which was good fun, lewis is just such a character in front of the camera. Also i had some done with lewis and it was good to see the real me rather than that in the mirror. I think I look completely different in a photo than I do in the mirror, my head is obviously not quite caught up yet! In fact some if the photos actually shocked me, I never realised that you could see my ribs on my upper chest, this is obviously not a good thing but part of me is pleased which is quite worrying as I thought those ED tendancies were long gone :-(

Sunday I had my photographers round for lunch working on a sample album for them to display their work and they picked our wedding! How exciting, it was lovely looking through all our pics and made me want to get married all over again. I also had a fab run and have got my love of running back, which is a good job as the half is only 5 days away! When I got back from my run I was on cloud 9 and full of energy even though I had just ran 6.7 miles, so I decided to cut the grass. I stayed in my running gear and litteraly started as soon as I got back so I still had my HRM on and i burnt a whopping 325 cals by doing 50mins of grass cutting. So never under estimate the calorie burn chores can be!

Monday we went to the zoo then a walk on the waterfront. It was a lovely day and spend some time with my two gorgeous boys.

Today however I extremely annoyed with myself, food hasn't been good at all. I seem to lose all control when I'm out eating with hubs. He goes for something naughty and I end up ordering the same, why can't I chose for myself, there were healthier options but no I went with what he was having. Why do I do this? I really need to change and don't know how to. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but I'm so fed up with being so naughty on the weekends that I'm having to be 110% during the week so try and claw some of it back, I can't keep doing this I need to find a balance

Work, eat, sleep and train!

This has been my life for the last 18 weeks!

Things have been pretty manic in the G household over the last few months. I'm working fulltime and then training for the half marathon and feel like I've been a recluse from normal life! I know once the half is out the way I can get some normality back in my life. My son has been poorly as well with severe constipation and we had to concentrate on getting him right and sorting out his diet to enable him to come off the meds. Diary is out as is cakes, chocolate and generally all processed foods. It's hard to explain to a two year old that he can't have certain foods but it's for his own good, in fact it will benefit us all. Thank goodness for Nakd bars, this is his new treat and he loves them and they are all good stuff!

The half is just over a week and I have a mix bag of emotions, excited, nervous, and overall can't wait for it to be over. My love of running has been dwindling and I can't wait to get back out there for enjoyment rather then having to do a certain distance because it is my training plan. The one thing I'm pretty excited about is meeting Kat from Fat Kat to Pretty Kitty, Gayle from Running Slim, Alex and hopefully Nicola from Fitness and Cake, these girls are amazing online support and can't wait to meet them in real life. It's a shame that Neen from Broadbean to Runnerbean and Laura from Super Veggie won't be there but I'm sure they will be in spirit!

With all this going on I've been attempting to get my eating back on track. We went on holiday and all ate badly resulted in me putting on 8lbs in so many days!!! I was now sitting at 9lbs above my first goal and 13lbs above my second goal of 9st 10lbs. I did not like it one bit so things had to change. After a clean up on the diet and my serious training for the half I'm pleased to report i've lost 9.2lbs in 6 weeks, 2.8 of those this week alone and I'm now 9st 13.8lbs. Oh how good it feels to be back under that 10st again, I'm grining like a Cheshire Cat today :0)

Waves Hello!

Hello hello hello (in an echo voice) anyone out there?!

Gosh how long is it since I last blogged! I am going to try and find the time to come in here more often. I miss reading everyone's updates and feel a bit out if the loop :0(

I promise I will make more of an effort girls xx

Adios, so long, farwell....weigh day

I did it, I managed a whole week if not weighing, I was so proud of myself that I managed it and the fact that they were not locked away and accessible and I still managed to fight the urge.

This morning came and I wad so excited and positive on what the scales would say to me today as I had a great week exercise and foodwise. Even though I haven't counted cals this week I haven't ate any naughty or different than if I was. In fact I think I've been eating less as I haven't been eating my evening snack as I haven't felt the need to use up cals. Well I stood on them, looking up to the ceiling until they settled. I looked down and bang a kick straight in the stomach! It showed a 1.2lb gain! How the F did that happen?! Surely that is not deserved, in fact I know it's not deserved! All that positivity zapped out of me in an instant!

Then I stood off the scales as my son coming running saying my turn my turn. He stood on them the number appeared and he said mummy look oh no! Bang another kick straight in the stomach. FFS my son is only two and he's obviously learnt that from me. I could cry just thinking about it, correction I am. What have I done? How much of a bad mother do I feel right now! My son shouldn't even know what they are and certainly not have a reaction when the number shows up. I have only myself to blame, he's learnt it from me no one else.

This has been a big wake up call, if I hadn't stepped on those scales this morning I would have been feeling good about myself in the way I look and feel. Instead I feel like an utter failure and to top it off I now feel like a failure as a mother. So I've come to the hard decision the scales HAVE to go, not just for me but for my son who I love very much and have let down. So adios, farwell so long scales I'm not going to let you control my life and the way I feel about myself any more and I'm certainly not going to let you get to my son like you have to me! You're out of here suckers!