I did it, I managed a whole week if not weighing, I was so proud of myself that I managed it and the fact that they were not locked away and accessible and I still managed to fight the urge.
This morning came and I wad so excited and positive on what the scales would say to me today as I had a great week exercise and foodwise. Even though I haven't counted cals this week I haven't ate any naughty or different than if I was. In fact I think I've been eating less as I haven't been eating my evening snack as I haven't felt the need to use up cals. Well I stood on them, looking up to the ceiling until they settled. I looked down and bang a kick straight in the stomach! It showed a 1.2lb gain! How the F did that happen?! Surely that is not deserved, in fact I know it's not deserved! All that positivity zapped out of me in an instant!
Then I stood off the scales as my son coming running saying my turn my turn. He stood on them the number appeared and he said mummy look oh no! Bang another kick straight in the stomach. FFS my son is only two and he's obviously learnt that from me. I could cry just thinking about it, correction I am. What have I done? How much of a bad mother do I feel right now! My son shouldn't even know what they are and certainly not have a reaction when the number shows up. I have only myself to blame, he's learnt it from me no one else.
This has been a big wake up call, if I hadn't stepped on those scales this morning I would have been feeling good about myself in the way I look and feel. Instead I feel like an utter failure and to top it off I now feel like a failure as a mother. So I've come to the hard decision the scales HAVE to go, not just for me but for my son who I love very much and have let down. So adios, farwell so long scales I'm not going to let you control my life and the way I feel about myself any more and I'm certainly not going to let you get to my son like you have to me! You're out of here suckers!
I know how difficult it is with the weighing, its tough to remember that its just a number on a scale and it shouldn't have the power to make you feel any better or worse about yourself. I think your right to chuck em! Use other things to keep you on track like the fit of your clothes. I know thats easier said than done, I'm going to try and make that move away from the scales at some point too and I know its going to be tough! I'm sure your a wonderful mother too! Your doing the right think now by making sure you change things so your little one isn't affected anymore x
ReplyDeleteOh Han... big hugs from me. You are right chuck them NOW! You have felt so good this week, so hopefully the scales have not runied that for this wkend too. xx
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've had exactly the wake up call you needed, which although it was far from pleasant at the time, is going to build a much happier future... You're slim, healthy, active, you don't NEED a little box on the floor dictating your mood and accomplishments... x
ReplyDeleteOh honey, this made me so sad when i read it - you so don't need those scales, I've been where you were this morning so many times, and let it sabotage all my positivity, but you have come so far, and like Kat says, you don't need a box on the floor telling you you're healthy. As for your son - you're not a bad mother honey, he's probably just mimicking exactly what your reaction was to the scales, he probably doesn't have much concept of what it meant. It'll soon be forgotten, but you are right, get rid of them, you'll still be fabulous without them.
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