Calorie Counting?! (oh and a little bit of news!)

Hi Blogland

After yesterday's post, it was my official weigh day today and yep I had put on 4lbs. I'm disappointed in myself but there is no point dwelling on it, what's done is done and its how I recitify it is all that matters.

I had a great start and got beasted by Jillian Level 2 Shred session. Boy it was hard work! I then followed it by a 30min HIIT session on my bike. I obviously had lots of adreneline pumping from that gain and wanted to make a great start to the week.

Breakfast and lunch was spot on but then I had a big big row with my mother whose behaviour I just don't simply comprehend and am baffled by her words and attitude. I didn't shout or swear I was very calm and firm with my words and could see this got to my mother more as she knew what I was saying I really meant. I have been walked over her far too many times and I'm a grown woman now and will not tolerate her behaviour. As a result she left and I then hit the cupboards, lashings of hot buttered fruit bread was on the menu followed by several fudge babies, why did I do it?! I basically let her won by controlling me like that but again its happened I can't go back now. Roll on Sunday when she goes!

Anyway, back to the post in hand, firstly the news which will then lead on to my thoughts and questions?! Hubby and I have decided that we are going to start trying for number 2 baby now. I'm so excited as I really didn't think that after my traumatic birth with Lewis hubby will ever want another child. Well he dropped the bombshell on Sunday when I finished my pill packet and said I want you to come off of it and us to start trying :D Obviously it could take a while as the last time I was on the pill my periods didn't return for 14 weeks but its good to know that we can start trying. One very happy Hannahbella!

This leads me on to my thinking on calorie counting. I have been calorie counting now for a year or so and have pretty much maintained my weight within 4lbs, apart from this week's massive 4lb gain where I haven't been counting at all for the last two weeks and I'm wondering if this is a good time to stop the calorie counting as I've not been obsessing over it lately and just healthy eating as I know I shouldn't really calorie count whilst pregnant. Hubby thinks I should stop and I know I can count calories forever but I'm just scare as its my reins that pulls me back in. Any thoughts ladies? I'm in two minds.

Oh and I just have to share this random dinner that hubby had today. It was chicken, cous cous, salad and eggs, what a weird combo! His response was I don't eat for taste I eat for nutritional content and value, I wish sometimes I had that attitude!

Can't wait for life to return to some kind of normality!

As some of my lovely WI ladies know things have been pretty hectic for me over the last few weeks with a few family issues and my mother visiting from Canada. Well from Sunday my mum flies back and we should be getting into some kind of normality and I can't wait!

I have been comfort eating like you would not believe, baking maple syrup cookies, eating real stodge food like toad in the hole and sticky toffee pudding! I don't know what has been a matter with me, I have totally reverted back to my younger days when I wasn't happy at home and eating for comfort to make me feel better. I feel completely out of control with it at times and really don't like the way it makes me feel :0( I feel fat, bloated and horrible. I've had the worse stomach cramps for days now, which could be a really bad AF that I have or it could be all this white flour and sugar I've been consuming of the last week or so. I also have constant headache where I just simply haven't been drinking enough water. I had a sneaky peak on the scales and I reckon I'm a +4lb for this week which I'm devastated about but it has been my own doings. I really need to get refocused and eat cleanly next week and get at least half of this off.

I'm angry with myself. Why have I done this, why have I let myself go?! I should know better, I'm worth better but I still don't think whilst I'm shovelling it into my gob!

Oh well, onwards and downwards ;0)

I did it! I completed a half marathon!

After all these months of training on Sunday 5 September I completed my first and last ever half marathon! At 8.30am I met the lovely Kat, Alex, Mark and Gayle, before we had to go to our holding bay before the start of the race. It had started to rain when we got there so was wet and cold before we even started. We were in the last wave so there were thousands of people in front of us. Alex and Mark made there way to the start and me and Kat queued for the toilet (where they only had 15 for 16,000 partipants, nice one Bristol City Council!) we then made our way to the start. When the wave started to move we were quickly making our way to the start line. Everyone in front of us started to pick up to a run so we were running before we had even started, at this point I looked at my HRM and it was already 155 bpm. As soon as I reached the start line I hit the start button on my HRM and it failed, grrr! I don't know if the start transmitter affected my HRM but it failed to get a signal for the rest of the time. After 5 mins of faffing with it whilst running I decided to give in and leave it alone. I left Kat almost straight away as we both are lone runners and have different paces so off I head on this 13.1 mile journey on my own.

At mile one we approached a pretty big hill that bended round on its self before we headed down to the portway which was a boring 3 miles out and back. At 3 mile point I already felt like I had been running for an hour. All I could see was on the opposite side of the road was people heading back into town but when I was running back into town there was no one the otherside of the road so I was obviously towards the back of the crowds. At the half mile point there was a clock which stated that we were 1hr 15 mins in from when our wave started and I knew I was at the back so I must be around the 1hr 5 mark at this point.

At mile 9 I started to feel the pain in my hips and ankles but kept my head down and kept on going. I was on the approach back into town at mile 1o and the crowds started to thicken and the cheers and claps were much louder. It was motivating having people cheer you on. I came down Prince Street and I could see my hubby and son with my dad at the end of the road, waving and cheering and shouting go mummy. That was a real pick me up and I was so pleased to see them. This gave me the energy to continue on as I knew I only had half an hour until I would be finished if all went to plan. We started to weave the streets of Bristol City and it felt like we weren't really making an progress distance wise at all. At 11 mile the organisers put in a killer of a hill, I really was flagging at this point but there was a man shouting from the crowds don't let this hill beat you, you can do it. So I kept my head down and plodded on. We then made our way back to the centre and I saw my family again at the 12.5 mile point who were all cheering and waving. I knew I didn't have long to go so started to attempt to pick up speed. As I came off the centre and around the corner I could see the finish line. I started to well up as I couldn't believe I had actually done it! I crossed that finish line and it was such a sense of achievement. I did it I ran the whole 13.1 miles and didn't have any walk breaks. My official time was 2 hours 8 mins and 58secs so I beat my goal of 2hrs 10min.

The crowds were so big that it took me a lifetime to find everyone and when I did we sat down and enjoyed some much deserved cake whilst discussing the race and then headed to lunch. It was fab to meet everyone and it was lovely that Gayle and Nic came to support us even though they were not running.

On Monday I have never suffered such bad DOMS before, my legs were on fire. I also put on a staggering 5lbs in one day so there was some serious water retention going on. Now I'm on Wednesday I still have hip pain which does ease the more active I am so I'm hoping it will be gone by the weekend so I can head out for another run. I don't want to leave it too long as I know I will lose all motivation and I don't want to ruin all this hard work I've put in. I think I will now stick to 10km as my long distances from now on I don't think my body can handle it.

So there you have, I've completed the half marathon, got the T-shirt and won't be doing it again!

I am my own person so why can't I eat that way....ahhhh!

Firstly weekend round up. It was manic but good. Friday night I had a meal with my friends and chose from the menu before i got there so didn't even need to look at the menu so therefore I wasn't tempted by anything else. Also everyone wanted a dessert but I was full and declined straight away (can you see my halo sparkling?!). Well if only I could have been good the rest of the weekend!

Saturday I had a photoshoot which was good fun, lewis is just such a character in front of the camera. Also i had some done with lewis and it was good to see the real me rather than that in the mirror. I think I look completely different in a photo than I do in the mirror, my head is obviously not quite caught up yet! In fact some if the photos actually shocked me, I never realised that you could see my ribs on my upper chest, this is obviously not a good thing but part of me is pleased which is quite worrying as I thought those ED tendancies were long gone :-(

Sunday I had my photographers round for lunch working on a sample album for them to display their work and they picked our wedding! How exciting, it was lovely looking through all our pics and made me want to get married all over again. I also had a fab run and have got my love of running back, which is a good job as the half is only 5 days away! When I got back from my run I was on cloud 9 and full of energy even though I had just ran 6.7 miles, so I decided to cut the grass. I stayed in my running gear and litteraly started as soon as I got back so I still had my HRM on and i burnt a whopping 325 cals by doing 50mins of grass cutting. So never under estimate the calorie burn chores can be!

Monday we went to the zoo then a walk on the waterfront. It was a lovely day and spend some time with my two gorgeous boys.

Today however I extremely annoyed with myself, food hasn't been good at all. I seem to lose all control when I'm out eating with hubs. He goes for something naughty and I end up ordering the same, why can't I chose for myself, there were healthier options but no I went with what he was having. Why do I do this? I really need to change and don't know how to. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but I'm so fed up with being so naughty on the weekends that I'm having to be 110% during the week so try and claw some of it back, I can't keep doing this I need to find a balance

Work, eat, sleep and train!

This has been my life for the last 18 weeks!

Things have been pretty manic in the G household over the last few months. I'm working fulltime and then training for the half marathon and feel like I've been a recluse from normal life! I know once the half is out the way I can get some normality back in my life. My son has been poorly as well with severe constipation and we had to concentrate on getting him right and sorting out his diet to enable him to come off the meds. Diary is out as is cakes, chocolate and generally all processed foods. It's hard to explain to a two year old that he can't have certain foods but it's for his own good, in fact it will benefit us all. Thank goodness for Nakd bars, this is his new treat and he loves them and they are all good stuff!

The half is just over a week and I have a mix bag of emotions, excited, nervous, and overall can't wait for it to be over. My love of running has been dwindling and I can't wait to get back out there for enjoyment rather then having to do a certain distance because it is my training plan. The one thing I'm pretty excited about is meeting Kat from Fat Kat to Pretty Kitty, Gayle from Running Slim, Alex and hopefully Nicola from Fitness and Cake, these girls are amazing online support and can't wait to meet them in real life. It's a shame that Neen from Broadbean to Runnerbean and Laura from Super Veggie won't be there but I'm sure they will be in spirit!

With all this going on I've been attempting to get my eating back on track. We went on holiday and all ate badly resulted in me putting on 8lbs in so many days!!! I was now sitting at 9lbs above my first goal and 13lbs above my second goal of 9st 10lbs. I did not like it one bit so things had to change. After a clean up on the diet and my serious training for the half I'm pleased to report i've lost 9.2lbs in 6 weeks, 2.8 of those this week alone and I'm now 9st 13.8lbs. Oh how good it feels to be back under that 10st again, I'm grining like a Cheshire Cat today :0)

Waves Hello!

Hello hello hello (in an echo voice) anyone out there?!

Gosh how long is it since I last blogged! I am going to try and find the time to come in here more often. I miss reading everyone's updates and feel a bit out if the loop :0(

I promise I will make more of an effort girls xx

Adios, so long, farwell....weigh day

I did it, I managed a whole week if not weighing, I was so proud of myself that I managed it and the fact that they were not locked away and accessible and I still managed to fight the urge.

This morning came and I wad so excited and positive on what the scales would say to me today as I had a great week exercise and foodwise. Even though I haven't counted cals this week I haven't ate any naughty or different than if I was. In fact I think I've been eating less as I haven't been eating my evening snack as I haven't felt the need to use up cals. Well I stood on them, looking up to the ceiling until they settled. I looked down and bang a kick straight in the stomach! It showed a 1.2lb gain! How the F did that happen?! Surely that is not deserved, in fact I know it's not deserved! All that positivity zapped out of me in an instant!

Then I stood off the scales as my son coming running saying my turn my turn. He stood on them the number appeared and he said mummy look oh no! Bang another kick straight in the stomach. FFS my son is only two and he's obviously learnt that from me. I could cry just thinking about it, correction I am. What have I done? How much of a bad mother do I feel right now! My son shouldn't even know what they are and certainly not have a reaction when the number shows up. I have only myself to blame, he's learnt it from me no one else.

This has been a big wake up call, if I hadn't stepped on those scales this morning I would have been feeling good about myself in the way I look and feel. Instead I feel like an utter failure and to top it off I now feel like a failure as a mother. So I've come to the hard decision the scales HAVE to go, not just for me but for my son who I love very much and have let down. So adios, farwell so long scales I'm not going to let you control my life and the way I feel about myself any more and I'm certainly not going to let you get to my son like you have to me! You're out of here suckers!

Serious DOMS and update

Oh boy I'm suffering from some serious DOMS today! I'm secretly liking it but gosh it hurts! I'm walking around like John Wayne and going ouch ouch everytime I sit down or stand up. They aren't normally this bad but this is what having a week off does! Plenty of protein and fluids for me today and thankfully it's my scheduled rest day.

Also update on the winging it approach. It's now been almost two weeks of not counting calories and 5 days of not weighing myself...check me out! The not counting cals is going better than I expected and I'm remarkably calm. I'm not constantly thinking about food and values I'm just enjoying eating healthy clean food. The scales have been kept in the upright position so I can't be tempted just to hop on them. But as the days go on I'm finding it increasingly hard to stay away as I would like to know if what I'm doing is right/working. I had a battle stood in the bathroom last night where I was SO tempted but in my head I could hear the WI ladies saying step away from the scales lol!

9 Miler today and being asked to be a birthing partner!

I did a 9 miler this morning. I was planning to go out about 6am but my darling son woke me up at 5am and I managed to get him back to sleep about 5.45am and fell back to sleep myself, I woke up at 6.30am and attempt to sneek out of bed (he was in with us from 5am) I managed it and got half way up the hall and he woke up so I had to go back in and give him cuddles. He was wide awake and I normally don't like to leave him and hubby that early in the morning when Lewis is awake as hubby is NOT a morning person and by the time I get back there is normally war! But I thought they will just have to cope so got out about 6.50 in the end.

I ran out of dried fruit and nut bars so the only thing I could eat pretty quickly before my run was an avocado and black bean brownie. At first I regretted it but I'm glad I had something as I was starving when I got back.

9 miles felt much further than the 8.5miles I did last weeks I think its because my route takes me across another two villages so I feel a long way from home. I worked out that I run in and out of 6 villages in total which is no wonder why it feels like such a long way. Really chuffed with my time though 1hr 21mins and 54sec averaging out at 9min 6sec mile which is an awesome pace to substain for that kind of distance. I worked out that if I continue like this I could be coming at 2hours for the half which is just a dream!

Other great news is my little sis asked me to be her birthing partner. She is currently 26 weeks and her w*nker of a boyfriend left her when she got pregnant so she has asked me. I'm really honoured and hope that I will be a support to her when the time comes.

Today has been hectic and I don't feel like my feet has touched the ground. I did my run, went to asda for the weekly shop and with a two year old that's no fun! Cut both the front and the back garden grass, washed the car, done endless amounts of washing and tidied the house and collasped on the sofa just in time to watch the footie with a slice of cheesecake. Yes you read that right I had just a slice when I normally eat a whole half. This new winging it approach has really made me think about that I don't need to binge on the weekend any more as I don't feel like I'm depriving myself during the week as I'm not counting calories. Also another result I haven't stepped on the scales since yesterday morning. I know its not a biggie for everyone but for me I have effectively missed 3 weigh in sessions as I got to twice a day.

So all in all another successful day and another postivie post from me. Where is Hannah and what have you done with her?!

New Winging it Approach!

Blimey blogland has it really been 5 weeks since I last blogged?! Where has that time gone?!

Well after a mini breakdown two weeks ago (WI ladies may recall) I'm finally starting to find my feet again. I was becoming far too obssessed with calories and my addiction to the scales was coming back to haunt me and I was back up to twice a day :-( not good! This got me thinking I NEED to change I can't keep going on like this.

Both the lovely Nic and Kat from WI had given up following a diet plan/calorie counting and were eating sensibly with nurtionally sound food so I thought I might give this a whirl. It would either be a disaster or actually work! So on Monday after a hurrendous weekend I decided to give it a shot I had nothing to lose other than weight! I have actually found it quite easy to do, I'm still pretty much eating the same foods but I'm not obsessing about numbers. I'm still weighing my carbs as I didn't want these to creep back up to bigger portions but everything else I have just been sticking to sensible portions and enjoying healthy food. I have actually found I'm eating less especially on the evenings as I don't have calories to use up so I've only been eating if I'm hungry. Well the proof was in the pudding when I weighed today and lost 0.8lbs. Ok its not masses but after the weekend I had it was pretty good.

As I've not been constantly thinking about food/calories the scales have also been cut down this week, ok I'm still not back to only once a week but every other day is pretty good so far and I'm sure that will be cut down even more next week.

Also tonight I was extremely proud of myself, on the drive home hubby said to me that he really fancied a dounut and wanted to stop in the shop. He passed me the money and asked me to get him 2 chocolate dounuts and whatever I wanted. So I went in picked up three dounuts. Two for hubby and one for Lewis and NONE for me! I really didn't want one. I knew at home I had some black beans soaking to make some black bean and avocado brownies so why would I want a dounut that's full of sugar and crap when I can have a brownie that's full of goodness. Yes I will be polishing my halo before bed LOL!

I just thought I'd pop on to say Hi and I'm off to bed as I'm up early (5.30am) to go for my 9 mile run tomorrow! I'll let you know how it goes. Night night x

Anyone seen my get up and go?!

I don’t know what is a matter with me lately, it’s not my exercise or diet (even though this has been appalling lately) but life in general. I seem to keep putting everything off, not looking after myself properly, not keeping on top of the housework etc and I am just lacking in complete motivation to change it. I’m think I’m stuck in a rut, it’s the same old same old and I’m not getting anywhere but the problem is I don’t know where to go or where I want to head. Does that make sense?!

My diet and exercise I’ve been trying to keep on top of but I can see things slipping one by one and before I know I won’t be doing anything. I’m starting to make excuses to not exercise which is unlike me. Also the naughty treat is turning into a whole day and then before I know it a whole weekend and to be frank I just don’t care!

I’m just fed up of plodding through life. We haven’t had a holiday for three years and can’t afford to even think about one, our house is just falling down around our ears literally. Our shower leaked through our ceiling as we had some dodgy builders in to do a “on the side” job to install a new bathroom and I’m just fed up of making do. I ask Mr G what he’s going to do about it and I seriously think he believes we’ll have a visit from the fairies and it will all be ok.

We’re desperate for another baby and Mr G would have one now but I can’t help think about the financial aspect of it that we simply can’t afford it. I trying my hardest to save as much money as possible and get ourselves debt free (only £100 to go woohoo!) but I feel like I’m getting nowhere fast. Maybe once this month of is out of the way and we have no more debts then I can seriously start thinking about saving for our future. I feel the need for lists and spreadsheets to try and regain some control and direction.

Sorry blogland this is obviously a hormonal rant but I really felt like I needed to get it out.

My Dungeon Gym and 50kg on the squat rack!

Here is my squat rack that almost killed my legs last night in the dungeon of my gym in my garage, its definitely nothing flash and dark and dingy but it does the job! After my great session last week of doing a PB of 45kg I decided to aim higher. I started off with a warm up of 30kgs and blasted through 15 of those. I then upped it to 40kg and managed 12 reps. I was steaming away! I then got quite excited and added another 10kg to the bar making it 50kg in total! Hubby came out to spot me and he said right you've just blasted 12 reps on 40kg get at least 8 reps out of this. Well as soon as I removed the bar from the rack I could definitely feel the extra 10kg and knew from the start I was not going to get 8 out of this bad boy! I had my hubby shouting encouragement from behind and I was puffing my way through this set and only managed 6 reps (HR reached 170bpm!) I then immediately dropped 20kgs and repped out for 15 at 30kgs. This felt so incredibly light compared to the set before LOL! Legs are so far feeling so good but I know later DOMS will set in. I'm quite proud of my squatting achievements as I only ever used to use the 20kg bar but in the last 6 weeks I've really upped my game. That 60kg goal is in my sights.

Food was good yesterday:

B: Vanilla protein podge with summer fruits
S: Strawberry protein bar
L: Chicken sandwich with celery, cherry toms and 2 babybell lights followed by 120g of strawberries
S: 20g almonds and 15g sultanas
D: 2 whole eggs and 3 egg white omellette with 65g of lean ham and 2 babybell lights with mushrooms and tinned plum tomoatos
S: Protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk, 10g of almonds and skinny cow hot choc

Total calories: 1783
Protein: 160g / 35%
Carbs: 158g / 35%
Fat: 59g / 30%

Total exercise calories 188

Today after that mamouth squat session together with ballet squats, step ups, straight legged deadlift, and lunges I have a feeling the hunger monster might be with me as I'm starving already at only 9.30am!

Great weekend, great run and a size 8!

Good morning blogland, I didn't get chance to update yesterday as I was busy at work catching up with on stuff that I didn't do Friday as I was chatting to the ladies on WI almost all day!

Friday night at Chiquitos was great had a really lovely time, I wore my new top that was a size 8! I felt actually quite slim and think I looked ok. Here I am in my size 8 top and my size 10 skinny jeans which I had to wear a belt with as they kept falling down woohoo! I also bought 3 more tops that were all a size 8! A few years ago I never believed I would fit into a size 8. (How many times can I mention size 8 in one sentance LOL! You can tell I'm chuffed!)



I didn't go for a run on Saturday even though I felt ok after my several glasses of wine I thought I would be sensible and swap it for Sunday in case I was a bit dehydrated. Saturday night I didn't have the best food I made a lasagne and ate half a cheesecake (yes you read that right half a whole cheesecake!) Everytime I eat it I always complain that it doesn't taste as nice as it used to but every week I still shovel it down my neck. I'm going to try and remember it when I go shopping next week and get our naughty dessert as something else that I'll actually enjoy and fewer calories.

Sunday I went out for a 7 mile run, I haven't ran that kind of distance in 4 years before I had my son. Mile 5-6 was hard but I got through it. When I'm running, I think oh my what am I doing this for, I must be mad, I'm not really enjoying it blah blah blah but the second I finish I loved it and I could do it all over again, very strange! I also managed to substain a 9 min dead mile pace so was pleased with that time seeing as I increased my distance. A few weeks at this and then I'll up it to 8 miles I think. Sunday's food was much better even though it was my best but with the exercise calories I earnt I pretty much evened out over the two days.

Yesterday food was good and back on track:

B: Vanilla protein podge with summer fruits - yum yum
S: Blueberry Protein Bar
L: Ham and mini babybell salad with dutch cakes and basil philly followed by strawberries
S: 20g of almonds and 15g of sultanas
D: chicken breast with roasted peppers, red onion & mushrooms with cous cous
S: protein shake post workout.

Calories: 1855
Protein: 181g / 39%
Carbs: 185g / 405
Fat: 44g / 21%

Exercise was a chest and shoulders workout earning me 130 calories.

Weigh Day

Good morning blogland

Today was the first day that I have weighed in for officially 2 weeks and unofficially 8 days. I retrieved the scales from the garage in preparation for this morning's weigh in and I was like a stupid excited little girl at Xmas. I was dying to get on them last night, just to gage if and what I had lost but I resisted. As I was going up to bed I took them upstairs into the bathroom ready for the morning weigh in. I kept on waking up during the night looking at the clock thinking is it time yet, can I get up and weigh. When my alarm went off this morning, I dashed out of bed into the bathroom, stripped off and couldn't pee quick enough and stood on the scales. It showed a 2.75lbs loss over the two weeks and I'm now 9st 10.75lbs only 0.75lbs away from goal, one very happy Hannah!

Food for the last two days have been good and stuck within my calories and pleased with my macro splits.

Also I did a 4 mile run yesterday morning in 36 mins dead burning a lovely 425 calories which I didn't eat yesterday as I'm off out for a meal tonight so though I would save them towards that.

So tonight I'm off to Chiquitos for a meal with my mummy friends from my mother and baby group to celebrate our little ones birthdays. I'm getting a taxi so will be partaking in a few glasses of wine. I've been looking at the menu and not really sure what to have, do I go healthy or do I go for something I really want. You know what I don't go out for a meal very often so I'm just going to enjoy myself.

No doubt I'll have a sore head after tonight so don't think I'll get out for my long run on Saturday morning but I will definitely be out on Sunday and see if I can fit a 7 miler in somewhere.

Hope all my fellow bloggers have a good weekend and no doubt I'll be posting back here on Monday morning stating I feel bloated and disgusting and was it worth it but hey ho this is life!

Wow great squat session, 99lb/45kg for 6 reps woohoo!

Wow I had a great leg session last night, I was again full on energy despite having only 4 hours sleep the night before, I have my darling son to thank for that! Eating clean and healthy really does make you feel great. Well I managed to get a PB on the squat rack. I started off with 25kg for 15 reps and I blasted through those with no problems, then 30kg for 12 reps, 40kg for 8 reps and then 45kg for 6! I had hubby spotting me on my last set as this was the heaviest I've done before and didn't know how my legs would react. Hubby was impressed and said that I could have gone heavier but I didn't want to push it. Next week I'll up it again to 47.5kg and see if I can get 4 reps out of that. Who knows in a few months time I be squating my own body weight (60kg)! Legs are not feeling too bad today, inner thighs and glutes a bit sore but I know DOMS will set in later. I ate a decent amount of protein yesterday to hope that it would help with the recovery.

Yesterday's food was:

B: 50g oats with 30g vanilla protein powder with 100g of summer fruits (this was delish!)
S: Protein bar
L: 65g lean ham with 2 babybell ligths and salad with 4 dutch cakes and basil philly. Followed by 120g of strawberries
S: None - I was still full from lunch!
D: 145g lean pork steak with 245g of dry roasted potatos with carrots and broccoli and a small amount of gravy
S: Banana protein shake post workout, 50g of grapes and 10g of almonds (I was starving!) and a skinny cow hot choc before bed.

Calories: 1804
Protein: 177g / 38.5%
Carbs: 194g / 42.5%
Fat: 38g / 19%

Exercise calories: 195

Why can’t I find a healthy balance?

I am definitely a eat healthy or eat absolutely appallingly type of girl, there is no happy medium for me. As soon I start on that slippery slope I just can’t control myself. Friday night was my normal pizza night with hubby and the little man. I share mine with the little man, well he has 1-2 slices, and then I polish off the rest of the 12 inch pizza. This is my treat for the week and that’s absolutely fine and I enjoy it and then get back on it. But I let this one treat turn into the rest of the evening and the next day eating naughty food. After my pizza on Friday and the end of my first week back at work after 10 days off I was exhausted and had no motivation to workout so sat there and scoffed an easter egg and a packet of smarties.

Saturday morning was absolutely fine I went out for my run and then had my protein podge and my healthy protein bar as a snack and then it went down hill. I had a ginsters chicken and bacon slice, custard slice, more chocolate, biscuits and then cheesecake. This was in-between eating my lunch of a ham sandwich and pork steak with potato wedges for dinner. I was like a mad woman possessed; as soon as I finished one the thing I was looking for the next. If I don’t eat anything like this I genuinely don’t think about it or even miss it but as soon as I start on that sugar rush I lose control. I went to bed on Saturday feeling sluggish, bloated and horrible so let that be my lesson.

I mentioned that I went for a run on Saturday and I was flying, I really enjoyed it. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. I only managed to fit a five miler in as I had to be back to take hubby to work but I finished it in 44mins 31 secs so I broke my 9 min barrier. I also felt like I could have gone and done it again when I finished I had bags of energy. One pleased Hannah!

After Saturday I woke up Sunday and made the conscious decision to eat cleanly and stick to maintenance calories. I enjoyed my food and felt so much better. I even went to a kiddies party and manage to resist the buffet. I was being ridiculed for being so healthy and they were saying one piece of pizza won’t hurt or one cake/biscuit won’t hurt blah blah blah. I tried explaining to them that I know it wouldn’t hurt and I wouldn’t have a problem with eating it if I could just stick to one bit instead of I would end up polishing the lot off. I obviously have that type of personality all or nothing!

Food for yesterday was:

B: Choc protein podge
S: Protein Bar
L: 2 Eggs and 2 Egg whites on toast
S: 20g of almonds and 15g of sultanas
D: 190g Chicken Breast, 400g butternut squash, 200g broccoli
S: Protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk and a skinny cow hot choc before bed (gosh I’m such an old woman!)

Total Calories: 1828
Protein: 178g / 40%
Carbs: 185g / 40.5%
Fat: 45g / 19.5%

Exercise calories: 125

I’ve now have managed to stay off the scales for 4 days, it doesn’t seem like a lot but it is for me. I spied them yesterday whilst I was working out in the garage but I was good and didn’t give in. I’m confident I can last until Friday, it is so much easier when they are not in the house and a constant reminder.

Cake, a brilliant run and let myself down re the scales :-(

Good morning blogland, what a beautiful day, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. It makes me want to be outside instead of stuck in an office.

Well yesterday I mentioned I spotted some cake in the office, I was umming and ahhing whether to have it or not. I could have resisted but decided to eat it, why not I'm at maintenance now and so I having the odd cake/treat is not going to make any difference as long as it is a treat and not a regular thing. I picked a cherry bakewell yum yum, it was massive about 3 inches in diameter and every single crumb was savoured.

As my legs were feeling ok after my workout on Monday night I decided to go for my run last night and boy I was flying. 4 miles in 36.37 averaging out at 9mins 9secs a mile earning myself a lovely 425 calories. Definitely no need to feel guilty about the cake after that run. I also sampled one of my new whey shakes from my protein. I had the banana one and made it with water and it was actually ok, I normally make them with milk as I can't stand the taste but it got a thumbs up from me. Just a mental note that 100ml of water should be enough as I like them thick and this was a bit watery for my liking.

Blogland I am so weak and have let myself down. I gave into the scales last night, I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't going to blog it but its about time I'm honest with myself and you guys. Its when I'm in the bathroom starkers about to get in the shower is when I'm really tempted. The bonus was that I have lost 1.5lbs despite it being in the evening so know I can add another 1lb to that at least so I'm pretty much back at goal but I am so disappointed in myself, I lasted what 2 days and then caved in. I told hubby that there is no way I can have them in the house. So I took them downstairs last night for hubby to put in the garage. Anyway he didn't and this morning all I could think about was ohh I wonder what my weight is this morning and if I'm back at goal. They are only downstairs I could easily run and get them or weigh down there and no one would know, they were honestly calling me. I then thought about how guilty I felt last night and decided that I'm only letting myself down and I didn't give in I was strong. I then got hubby to hide them in the garage first thing this morning in the hope that I can stay off them for at least 8 days until my official weigh in.

Food yesterday was ok despite the cake which I worked into my allowance:

B: choc protein podge as previous days
S: cherry bakewell cake (not really sure on calories but counted it as 2 standard size ones)
L: 165g chicken breast with 25g dried weight of cous cous and salad followed by 140g strawberries
S: 3 oatcakes with whole earth peanut butter - yum!
S: protein shake post run
D: 2 whole eggs and 3 egg white ommlette with 60g of ham and 2 mini babybell lights served with mushrooms and tinned tomatos.

Calories: 1897
Protein: 169g / 36%
Carbs: 170g / 36%
Fat: 57g / 28%

Total calories after exercise 1472

I CAN stay off the scales and I WILL!

I'm now on day 2 of no weighing it was easier to stay off them this morning I must admit but that is only because I'm feeling bloated from AF. I have had a chat with hubby and he is going to help me battle my addiction once and for all. He is going to take them away and put them in the garage. Yes I go in the garage but I'm not going to go in there starkers first thing in the morning nor am I going to run and get them at 6.30am (she says, even though I've been known to do this in the past). But I'm hoping with my determination I can do it. I will bring them in the Thursday evening every other week (for now and hoping to increase to monthly) and then they go back in the garage straight after weigh in on the Friday morning. Wish me luck I hope I can do it this time.

Food yesterday was good and I actually really enjoyed it. I had:

B: same chocolate protein podge as the last couple of days
S: Protein bar
L: Ham, babybel lights and salad with 4 dutch crisp breads and basil philly. Followed by 145g of strawberries
S: 20g almonds and 15g of sultanas
D: 175g chicken breast with butternut squash and green beans followed by a munch bunch yog (had to use these up as son doesn't like them)
S: protein shake post workout and skinny cow hot choc before bed.

Calories: 1778
Protein: 172g / 39%
Carbs: 180g / 41%
Fat: 39g / 20%

My HRM said I only earnt 90 calories doing my chest, shoulders and tricep workout but it was playing up and kept losing my HR, I don't think I wet it enough.

My order from My Protein is due to arrive today and I'm stupidly excited. I've ordered vanilla and banana whey this time and I have my blueberries ready to make vanilla and blueberry porridge in the morning. Fingers crossed I'm not disappointed and I like it.

Also I've just spyed some cakes in the office as its someone's birthday, uh oh!

How do I get myself unaddicted to the scales?! And I've had a brilliant squat session tonight.

Why am I so stupidly addicted to the scales and why can't I stop myself from getting on them every single day even twice a day. I get angry with myself but I still can't seem to stop it. I thought I wasn't bothered by what they said to a certain extent at the moment but why am I still looking to them for approval that what I'm actually doing is working?! I lost 1.2lb from yesterday so it goes to show its definitely bloat as fat doesn't come off that quick. I was doing so well at only weighing once a week but then as soon as I start tightening my belt again I'm on and off them all day every day! I need to seriously get these nipped in the bud and just need to work out how to do it, do I gradually do it like I've done before or do I just go cold turkey?

I had a great leg workout tonight. I've been working on my squats and did a pb of 40kg for 6 reps tonight, it felt great to be lifting something heavy. They are starting to get sore already so I'm expecting some serious DOMS tomorrow/wednesday! HR got upt to 155 bpm and burnt a decent 212 calories.

Food has been ok today as well and had the following:

B: same choc protien podge as yesterday
S: Maximuscle promax bar which I grabbed whilst in Sainsburys
L: 2 whole eggs and 2 egg whites on 2 slices of small toast and one babybel light
S: Half a small easter egg...whoops but still within my calories
D: Extra lean mince beef chilli with baked beans, peppers, tomatos and onions
S: Protein shake post workout and skinny cow hot choc before bed

Calories: 1870
Protein: 169g / 36%
Carbs: 172g / 37%
Fat: 54 / 26%

Its been a long time blogland! Moment of horror and need to get back on track!

I can't believe 6 long weeks have slipped passed since I last blogged, where has that time gone?! Things have been a little manic with hubs and the little man's birthdays and arranging birthday celebrations for 50+ people. Also we've all had a week off work and spent lots of quality family time together. We went on loads of day trips to the zoo, aquarium, farm and swimming which also meant that we ate out a LOT, also lots and lots of cake has been consumed...whoops! I've managed to keep up on my exercise of 4 sessions (2 runs and 2 weights) which was good but I don't think any amount of exercise would have helped this week.

So Friday morning I faced up and stood on the scales. They showed a 4lb gain and me now being 9st 13.5lbs. To be honest with you I wasn't upset with that weight gain, I will still under 10 stone what I was more upset about was the way I felt. I felt sluggish I felt tired I didn't feel like myself. The more junk I ate the more I craved and it just turned into a vixious circle. On Friday I had a burger and chips for lunch AND a pizza for tea. This is something I would have done in my fat days not now so what the hell was I doing?!

I was already feeling down with myself and hubs really topped it off yesterday! I spent the day in tears, looking at it now it was silly but hubs really and I mean REALLY upset me. He said whilst I was putting on my size 10 skinny jeans (just had to point that bit out LOL!) "blimey they're getting tight" que me having an absolute head benny and breaking down in tears. Of course I heard in my head that I've turned into a big fat heffer and he wasn't attracted to me blah blah blah. I automatically wanted to binge but after some tears I decided to use this as my motivation and get back to my healthy eating and taking care of my body.

The bit that surprised me the most out of this was that I wasn't worried about what the scales said to a certain extent, I was concerned with the way I looked and the way I felt. So time for things to change. I start to make the excuses well after easter so I can enjoy the bank holiday and then I'll start afresh but then decided this was the old Hannah starting to talk again and why put off what I can start now. So this is what I did. I logged back into Food Focus (I should really join WLR) and started to log my food again.

I'm going to try sticking to 1750 calories on a rest day and then extra calories on my exercise days with my added protein shake. I'm also going to start paying more attention to my macro split and try and keep my protein levels around 30% as my ulimiate goal is to build more lean muscle mass. Also I'm going to *try* and stay away from the scales, even though I weighed myself today and it showed a 1lb loss from Friday (naughty Hannah for mid week weighing)so was pleased that it some of it was food bloat plus I'm due on tomorrow/tuesday so 1lb at least I can put down to TOTM bloat. So in all 2lbs gain wasn't that bad?!

I got hubby to take some pictures of me today so I can keep an eye of any visual improvements rather than just scales and measurements. I did take some pictures a while back and to be honest I can't see much if any difference to this set so I'm going to use these as my "before" pictures. I'm going to be brave and post them now to keep me motivated. Please be gentle with me it took some guts (and a glass of red LOL) to post these.



I'm not overly disappointed with my pics but I can definitely see now where I need to improve. Tum, bum and legs are my main areas of focus as well as over all fat loss.

On to my food

Yesterday was:

B: chocolate protein podge with 50g of oats, 100ml of milk and 200ml of water
L: Lentil soup and 4 dutch cakes
S: 20g almonds and 15g sultanas
D: 200g chicken breast, 350g of potato wedges and salad and 250ml of red wine
S: 3 dutch cakes and 2 mini babybel lights

Carlories: 1734
Protein: 131g / 30.2%
Carbs: 169g / 39.0 %
Fat: 31g / 16.1%
Booze: 14.7% (far too high and shouldn't really be here but it is bank holdiay!)

Ohh I did go out for a 6.5 mile run and earnt 729 calories but decided not to eat these after the day before food of burger, chips and pizza.

Today's food:

B: chocolate protein podge as above
S: 20g almonds and 15g sultanas
L: 2 whole egg and 3 white omellette with 60g of ham and 2 mini babybel lights with salad
S: 4 oat cakes with almond butter
D: 200g chicken breast, 185g potatos, 125g of carrots and 70ml of gravy and 200ml of red wine
S: nothing maybe a skinny cow hot chocolate later

Carlories: 1747
Protein: 153g / 35.0%
Carbs: 123g / 28.2%
Fat: 54g / 27.8%
Booze: 9.0%

So here I am in all my glory and with my plan of action. Wish me luck and watch this space for some difference in my progress pics in 4 weeks time.

Not Blogged for a while!

Hi blog land, I haven't been blogging for a while, what with being ill and then having a few isues at home that needed my full attention I haven't had the time.

Foodwise I've been good and stuck within my 1700 calories per day. My splits have been awful though and far too many high carb days with not much protien so I need to refocus on this. Yesterday I started back on my protein powders after taking a few weeks break whilst I had the flu so hopefully this will improve my protein levels.

Exercise again has been poor, last week I managed to do a 3 mile run, 2 full body weight sessions and then a 6.3mile run. I was so pleased that I actually managed to increase my distance as I have been stuck at the 5.5 mile mark for ages. I did intend to do 6 miles but I added an extra bit on and it took me to 6.3, I'm gutted that I didn't add another bit on and make it 6.5 now but I will this week or next. This week I have come down with yet another cold (I think I went back to work and exercise far too quickly and didn't recover properly) so I have taken it easy this week and haven't done anything. I'm starting to feel much better albeit a little snotty still so I think I'm going to ease myself gently with an exercise bike session tonight. I know I shouldn't do but I'm really getting itchy feet about not doing anything.

By resting up I've been thinking a lot lately about goals and what I really want to achieve resulting in me thinking about my training. I'm fairly happy with my weight and shape but I really need to sharpen up those wobbly bits and I'm wondering whether I would be more beneficial doing 3 weight sessions and 2 runs rather than the other way around. Part of me knows the answer if I want to achieve a more definied and toned look then I need do to this but I do enjoy my running and making fantastic progress (even if I do say so myself). Also the other part of me is scared stiff, for almost 2 years its all been about weight and what the scales say and it scares me that I would potentially go up in weight. Why does it always matter what the scales say if we're making improvements to our size and shape?!

Also its been 4 weeks since I took my first set of photos and if I'm brave I may post them. I don't think I've made any progress as I've effectively had 2 weeks out of the 4 but I shall do them regardless.

Food yesterday was:

B: Protein shake with 100ml of milk, 45g of oats with water and 50g of raspberries
S: Trek bar
L: 200g chicken breast, 28g (dried weight) of cous cous and salad follwed by 135g of strawberries and 75g of greek yogurt
S: 25g of almonds
D: 2 eggs & 3 egg whites ommlette with 2 mini babybels and mushrooms with a large side salad.
S: 2 oatcakes with 5g of almound butter and 2 homemade oat bars

Total calories: 1717
Protein: 155g (36.1%)
Carbs: 156g (36.3%)
Fat: 52g (27.3%)

I'm pleased with my split today.

Back tomorrow to report on my weigh day and potentially my progress pics

What a day!

My son has been a little tinker today, he's poorly and teething all in one and hasn't stopped crying or wanting cuddles all day. I was so fed up and drained from it this morning I almost blew the diet as I really really wanted comfort food. Also hubby is still not right and I was secretly hoping he was going to say that he wanted a pizza for tea or some cake but thankfully didn't or otherwise I would have felt guilty.

I haven't managed to do as much as I wanted today with regards to housework but the house is looking much better and I can relax a little. I'm very strange I just can't seem to relax on the sofa in a messy house I like it to be tidy.

Despite my urge for comfort food I have been good toay.

B: 60g of oats and 100ml of skimmed milk and 100ml of water
S: Cocoa Brownie Trek bar
L: 2 eggs and 2 egg whites on toast
S: Oatcakes topped with 50g of greek yogurt and 75g of strawberries
D: 170g chicken breast stuff with 2 babybell lights, 235g of dried baked potato wedges and salad
S: 30g of almonds

Calories: 1719
Protein: 126(29%)
Carbs: 181g (42%)
Fat: 55g (29%)

Tomorrow I'm going to attempt an easy exercise bike session to ease me back into exercise before my run I'm planning on Monday. Lets just hope I can do it and not have a coughing fit.

Had my naughty meal for the weekend now must stay on track!

Well my first day back at work and then having to travel across the other side of town to pick up the little man we were not in the mood to cook. Hubby said (which was very naughty of him as he is contest diet mode or supposedly) shall we get a KFC on the way home. Well I agreed as I couldn't be bothered and ended up having a Fillet Tower meal...whoops! Didn't go massively over my calories for the day so not too worried. And besides I'm allowed a little treat after my fantastic 5.6lbs weight loss surely?!

Food for today is:

B: 60g oats with 100ml of skimmed milk and 100ml of water
S: 2x small flax muffins courtesy of JAG's receipes
L: 170g chicken breast, 25g cous couse and salad followed by 80g strawberries and 80g greek yogurt
S: 30g almonds
D: KFC fillet tower meal

Calories: 1875
Protein: 120g (25.6%)
Carbs: 166g (35.4%)
Fat: 80 (38.4%)

A bit high on the fat but other than that not bad seeing as it was a treat/cheat meal!

I'm still not really well enough to do exercise but may do a gentle exercise bike session tomorrow or Sunday and see how it goes and hopefully I'll be back out running next week.

Finally coming back to the land of the living!

Hi blog land

I’m back in the land of the living…just! This flu bug has knocked me for six and I have just been so poorly in fact the whole G family have been poorly. Anyway I dragged my sorry butt back into work today and so has hubby and we’ve left the little man with the MIL.

Well since my last post I put on 1.5lbs on the Friday which was very much expected, albeit it very disappointing, due to AF due to be putting in her appearance the following week.

Food wise last week I haven’t been too bad but I really haven’t been bothered to cook very much and have lived off porridge. I absolutely love porridge and it is my real comfort and warming food. I stuck around 1,500 calories a day apart one day where I got chip shop pie and chips as I just wanted stodge! But I didn’t feel guilty I just drew a line under it and started a fresh the day after. Normally I spend days feeling guilty about having a naughty meal and then end up punishing myself with exercise but that didn’t/couldn’t happen this time.

Talking of exercise I haven’t now been able to exercise for over 10 days. I know the rest has done me good but I’m starting to get itchy feet and can’t wait to get back into some kind of routine. In fact my whole life back into a routine, my house is a complete mess and we have no decent food in the house and my washing/ironing is mounding up. I’m going to spend the weekend spring cleaning, shopping and planning my meals for next week. I just feel like I’m drowning with jobs to do around the house.

On to today’s weigh in…wait for it….I lost a whopping 5.6lbs! It means that last week’s 1.5lbs gain wasn’t true weight and AF bloat but it also means I’ve lost a further 4lbs this week. I’m now at my lowest since I was under 10 years of age at 9stone 7.8lbs. I know I’ve been ill but surely c1500 a day plus one day at 2500 and no exercise wouldn't result in that kind of loss?! I must now try and be as good as possible as I don’t want too much to go back on next week if nothing at all. I have nothing planned this weekend even with it Valentines Day as hubby is trying to be as good as possible on his contest diet so it looks like another chicken salad for me tea. I must really come up with some alternatives to chicken and chilli. So blog land do we have any plans for Valentines Day? Are your other halfs treating you to something nice? I’m lucky if I’ll get a card let alone a bunch of flowers…hey ho!

Why oh why am I starting to get obsessed with the scales again!

I had this problem a while a go and I started to combat it and now I seem to be going down hill again. Not only have I gone to weighing twice a day, I'm letting it control my mood. I have been slowly putting on weight all week and its been getting me really down. I've only put on 0.75lbs (so far as its weigh day Friday) but it might as well been 7.5lbs the way its been making me feel. I know in the grand scheme of things its hardly nothing but I'm working my ass off for what?! I know that its TOTM due this weekend so that most probably explains it but its really knocked my motivation. I don't know whether its because I'm also coming down with a cold and now upset because its unlikely that I'll train tonight but I just feel like I'm running an up hill battle and going nowhere. Sorry for the self indulgent moan blog land, I'll snap out of it soon enough.

Anyway, yesterday I had a good day, I spent the day with my little man as his nursery was shut and we had great fun. I took him to a baby gym where we did trampolining and activities. Seeing the smile on his face of him having a great time melted my heart but also made me sad as I don't get to do things with him like this as I'm at work. Also we visited a friend in the afternoon with her little boy and it was lovely to sit and watch them play. As I was out and about all day I didn't really get chance to eat my calories. I had:

B: JAGs chocolate protein, almond butter and banana pancakes and boy they were delish. I took a photo and will upload it later. Also they set me up until lunch as they were so filling.
L: Beans on toast as I was in a rush
S: 30g almonds
D: 180g chicken breast with roasted veg
S: half an oat bar and 30g almonds

Calories: 1547
Protien: 136g (35.2%)
Carbss: 122g (31.5%)
Fat: 57 (33.2%)

My arms feel like jelly!

I just had a great full body workout. I had a really bad stomach ache and was thinking of not training tonight but hubby convinced me to give it a go and it may make me feel better and take my mind off of it so I did and I'm so pleased I wasn't lazy as I had a great workout, I was buzzing. My heart rate was really good and got up to 150bpm doing my squats. I also managed to up my weights to 25kg bar squats and hoping to up them again next week. I think some serious DOMS will be here tomorrow but I'm actually looking forward to it.

I have also been inspired from a few of JAGs receipes for the flax muffins and the choco crepes with almond butter so at lunchtime instead of just sitting at my desk I headed off to Holland & Barratt and bought all the ingredients I needed. I'm looking forward to trying them out tomorrow.

Food wise was also a good day

B: Protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk followed by 40g oats and 3 egg whites pancake.
S: Oat bar
L: 100g chicken with 50g (dried weight) cous cous and salad followed by 100g strawberries and 75g of greek yogurt
S: 30g almonds
D: 2 quorn lamb grills with roasted veg
S: protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk (post work out), oat bar and 30g almonds

Calories: 1697
Protein: 134g (31.6%)
Carbs: 162g (38.2%)
Fat: 52g (27.6%)
Exercise calories 189

Total calories: 1508

I have the day off work tomorrow as my little man's nursery is closed so looking forward to spending a day with him and visiting friends. Let's just hope I can stay on track whilst being out and about.

Good run but I was starving!

Yesterday I didn't have a great start to the day, my little man moved up groups in nursery so even though he is not quite two yet he is with the older children because of his size (he's very tall like daddy) as he was being a bit rough with the babies in the younger group. It was sad to drop him off as it was all unfamiliar to him and it was like his first day all over again. He screamed and called out mummy and was clinging around my neck. All I wanted to do was grab him and go home but I knew he had to do this. It is so hard having to work fulltime when you want to be with your children but needs must and I must keep on thinking that I'm doing it for the good of my family to make a better future for us all. With that in mind it put me on a downer all day, all I wanted to do was comfort eat as I was worried about him. I didn't want to phone and check up on him and sound like a neurotic mother so I just clocked watched until I could go and get him. As it turned out after he got over his paddy in the morning he was absolutely fine and loved playing with new toys. This morning I dropped him off and he had a bit of a tantrum but as soon as they mentioned Peppa Pig he smiled and said bye mummy. So that's it I'm second best to Peppa Pig!!

Anyway I wasn't going to let me emotions control my eating so I stuck to the plan:

B: Protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk. Porridge oat pancake with 50g oats, 3 egg whites and 200ml of water
S: Oat bar
L: 100g chicken, 50g (dried weight) cous cous and salad followed by 80g strawberries
S: 30g almonds and protein shake with 100ml of skimmed milk (post run)
D: left over chilli from yesterday
S: 3...yes 3! oat bars

Calories: 1799
Protein: 144g (32%)
Carbs: 209g (46.5%)
Fat: 41g (20.5%)

Exercise cals: 451

Total calories: 1348

My run was great, a 4 miler with 1 mile hill, 1 mile decline, 1 mile hill and 1 mile decline. At one point I was steaming away, I felt great. Also my HR was lower than usual, I'm normally puffing away at 180 bpm but yesterday didn't really go much above 173 bpm and I knocked a min off my time. It seriously took some motivation to get out though as all I wanted to do was put my pjs on and cuddle up on the sofa but I knew all I had to do was get out there and I'll be back showered in my pjs on the sofa within the hour so thought didn't have an excuse not to go.

After my dinner I was still starving so I had 3 oat bars. I don't know what was a matter with me but decided to go bed or otherwise I would have finished off the batch of 10 I baked.

Weekend over far too quickly

Hi blog land

Its Monday morning and I'm back to the working grind stone...boo!

Looking back from my last post, I can't believe I didn't update you all but I had lost half a pound. OK it doesn't sound like a lot but its a loss. I ate the calories for half a pound loss but didn't eat my exercise calories and burnt enough for another half a pound loss so I would ideally liked a pound but we know the body never quite works that way, even though the maths was right the body just didn't want to let go of that last bit.

Saturday I went out for my 5 mile run in a light dusting of snow. It was so cold and at one point going up a hill I felt like I was running on the spot. My HR went up to 189 so I knew I was working hard. According to my HRM I burnt 590 calories. I managed to average out at a 9min 20 sec mile though so was pleased. My morning runs on an empty stomach seems to be so much quicker than my evening runs. Not sure why that its as you would have thought I would have more energy on the evenings from the calories eaten. I've done 2 weeks at 5 miles for my long run so next week I'm going to up it to 5.5 miles.

Food wise saturday was good:

B: Chocoloate protein shake with oats and egg whites with water blitzed up in batter and made into pancakes - delious!
S: protein oat bar
L: 2 eggs, 2 egg whites on 2 wholemeal slices of toast
S: 100g strawberries with 75g greek yogurt and 30g almonds
D: 2 Peppered quorn steaks with roasted veg followed by protein powder and greek yogurt
S: 30g of almonds

Calories: 1745
Protein: 140 (32.1%)
Carbs: 152 (34.9%
Fat: 60 (30.9%)

Food on a weekend now is so different compared to what it used to be. We would normally would have had at least 2 takeaways, McDs and pizza and then I would have normally sat in front of the TV with half a cheesecake and a glass of wine. I feel so much better though for not doing this and eating more cleanly.

Sunday was a well deserved rest day, I got up early with my son and watched the dreaded Cbeebies whilst we had breakie. I then worked out hubby's month 2 of his ripping plan for his contest. He is now starting to decrease his carbs so had to work out his menu for the next week. We then went out to our local market and bought loads of chicken breasts and fresh fruit and veg. We didn't do much in the afternoon bar a massive cook up of hubby's lunch boxes for the first half of the week and a load of ironing. I also had snuggles with my little man in bed in the afternoon where we both fell asleep for an hour. I love that time we get together and he's still and quiet LOL!

Sunday food was a bit carbulious:

B: Protein shake and oat pancakes
S: oat protein bar
L: 100g chicken, 50g bulgar wheat and salad
S: apple and 30g almonds
D: 150g extra lean beef chilli with 20g lentils and onions and pepers.
S: Skinny cow hot choc and 20g almonds

Calories: 1730
Protein: 124g (28.7%)
Carbs: 197g (45.5%)
Fat: 51g (26.5%)

Today (Monday) I feel boated and disgusting, I think its a combination that AF is on her dreaded way and that fact that my carbs were so high yestserday in comparison to what I have been having all week. I definitely need to try and cut these down some more and up the protein.

Great day food and exercise wise!

Yesterday (Friday) was a good day. As usual it was a manic rush for me in the morning to get the little man ready for nursery and myself ready and out the door all in 1hr 15 mins. As I was out the night before I didn't get chance to make my lunch but I *think* I made an ok choice. Food for today was:

B: Protein shake with 100ml skimmed milk, followed by 50g porridge made with water
S: Protein oat bar
L: Beans on Toast, followed by 100g strawberries and greek yogurt
S: 30gs of almonds
D: 200g mince beef with red onion, courgettes and broccoli with passata
S: Protein shake with 100ml skimmed milk post workout and 20g of almonds

Calories: 1691
Protein: 143g (33.71%)
Carbs: 174g (41.01%)
Fat: 48g (25.46%)

Did a full body weight work out and managed to increase the weight on my squats to 25kg and may even try heavier next week.

I was a little annoyed today though one of my best friends accussed me of having an eating disorder!!!! I eat a healthy balanced diet and I don't make myself sick so don't know where she got that impression from. I was completely flabergasted by her comment and don't know what made her think that. I admit that I have made myself sick in the past (not admitted that to anyone before) after a binge but I am so not at that place any more. She says its because I've lost a lot of weight, granted I have (almost 5 stone in total) but I've worked my ass off to get here through hard work and dedication! If that is being classed as having an eating disorder in her eyes then so be it...guilty as charged!

These comments today and then yesterday got me thinking, in "real life" I am so alone in my health and fitness journey (apart from hubby of course) but no one really gets me or understands me and I don't have anyone to talk to or go through experiences with so that has made me feel quite sad but I'm not going to let it control what I eat as it normally would.

Yesterday was a great day but some people can be so judgemental!

Well yesterday was a good day food wise and was a rest day from exercise as I have already done 2 x 4 mile runs and a whole body strength training session.

Started off the day with the recommended Chocolate protein and porridge combo and boy it was disgusting, I couldn't even eat it as it was making me heave so only had half my breakie yesterday. I was good and a took an extra oat bar as I knew I would looking for something to eat no long after.

Here was my food for the day:

B: Chocolate protien and porridge combo
S: 2 x homemade oat bars
L: 100g chicken, 50g wholemeal pasta and salad followed by 100g strawberries & 75g greek yog
S: 30g almonds
D: 2 x Quorn pepper steaks and roasted veggies
S: 2 x homade oat bars

Total calories: 1541
Protein: 108g (28.03%)
Carbs: 184 (47.76%)
Fat: 40 (23.36%)

A bit of a heavy carb day that will be all the oat bars...naughty Han I knew I should have had almonds instead last night.

Last night I met my mummy friends from my mother and baby group in the pub and I was extremely good, I only had 2 sparkling waters. Also they bought out a huge bowl of chips for everyone to share and I was very good and didn't have one at all. Of course that turned the conversation to why was I not having any chips...blah blah blah! I just explained that I was trying to be healthy as possible. That was it then they started going on about I didn't need to lose weight and that I am obbessessed because one chip won't hurt me. No I know one chip won't hurt but the next 20 or so I eat after because I've got the taste for it I will. They were asking me lots of questions and I then got told that I'm a bit extreme with what I eat?! WTF! How is my diet extreme?! Grrrr!

What next and thanks

Firstly I would like to thank Kat she has been an amazing over the last year I have "virtually" known her. She has managed to help, support, encourage and motivate me and I owe a lot to her, so thank you Kat, you're a star! It was Kat that got me thinking about writing my own blog and putting my thoughts down and looking back at this I can see how far I've come and motivate me to contine.

I have also been following blogs linked on her page and came accross her friend JAG, as soon as I started reading it I was hooked and read it from start to finish. The transformation has been absolutely amazing and I wish her all the luck in the world should she go ahead for NABBA Miss Figure next year. After reading her blogs, it got me thinking. I want to look hot like she does and there is no reason with a lot of hard work and dedication like her I can't! So I went home that evening and took some photos of myself in my undies for me to look back on in 10 weeks time and see what improvements I made. I'm not too fussed about weight loss as such (even though it would be nice) but I just want to get that nice toned physic. I may even post my before pictures later if I am brave enough. So what's my plan of action?

• Eat as clean and as natural as possible, cut out all the processed junk
• Keep calories at around 1700 a day
• Up my protein intake to at least 1.6g per kg of body weight(63kgs) so 101g but ideally like it 1g per lb of body weight (138lbs).
• Try and keep carbs down to around the 150g mark
• Strength training twice a week
• 2 short and 1 long run a week

I mentioned NABBA earlier, hubs is hoping to take part in his very first competition this year in April for Mr West. He is a very keen bodybuilder and has been doing it seriously for a few years. He certainly has packed some size on since he started seriously. He is currently on his ripping diet which is very difficult and I don't envy him at all. This is also helped me to start thinking about changing the way I eat to encourage him more. We have no processed food in the house and we now tend to eat similar things in the hope that I can support him as much as possible.

A brief bit about me and how I got here (actually its going to be a long one!)

As I mentioned before I have always been over weight. When I was in my late teens I really didn't see it as an issue, I don't know if I was in denial or I was just plain stupid! I was obviously over weight, I was bullied for it but still didn't get the hint. Here was me on a holiday in Tenerife with my girlfriends. I was about 14 stone here, although I never admitted it to anyone. Food was my friend and my foe, I ate for comfort, I ate out of happiness, I just ate and mainly in secret. Nobody knew how much I ate, I wouldn't never let anyone see I was a complete pig!
I had finished with a long term boyfriend and decided that as I was back on the single scene I had to sort myself out. I did manage to lose a few stone and then met my gorgeous hubby. After moving in together and then contentment set in, I was soon back up to 13 stone. I joined weight watchers and managed to get myself down to my goal weight of 10 stone. I then quit as I moved jobs and found myself maintaining around 10stone 7.

After 7 years of being together (to the day) hubby and I got married and had a gorgeous cermony outside in a beautiful garden. I was happy with the size I had got (or so I had thought) and this was it I was going to start maintanance.
Little did I know that I would fall pregnant fairly quickly after honeymoon and it all went to pot. I ballooned in pregnancy, not only did I put on over 4 and a half stone (that was after birth) but my body had changed beyond recognititon. My bump was massive! Here was me at 38 weeks and my bump got to a record breaking 56inches
It was worth if for my gorgeous son, Lewis James born a whopping 9lbs 3.5 oz on 29 March 2008 at 2.53am.

I remember standing on the scales the day I got home from hospital weighing a massive 14stone 9lbs. I was devastated that I let myself get that way. I didn't just have me to think of anymore I had my son and I didn't want to be known as Lewis' fat mummy.

I did what I knew best weight watchers from home and after a long 18 months got down to goal of 9 stone 10lbs. Here I was out celebrating my 29th birthday in July 09.

Yes, WW was good but it didn't teach me anything with regards to healthy eating just to stick within my points. I was snacking of rubbish and eating far too much processed food. I made the decision after Xmas 09 (where I gained 4.5lbs of festive food and wine) to clean my diet up and eat more cleanly. I'm now of week 4 and feel fantastic not only have I managed to lose 3.5lbs in the last 4 weeks (maybe more as I weigh tomorrow) but I'm not hungery as much and have lots of energy.

Anyway this is me and how I got where I am today.